Rope Bottoms Intents
This article is part of a series of advice for rope bottoms, written by Mya and Fox. We’ve been doing rope intensively for 10 years. Mya has bottomed with a wide variety of rope tops, and Fox has worked as a top with many rope bottoms.
What are rope intents and why do bottoms also get to set them?
If you have decided that you want to bottom for rope - either for the first or the thousandth time - there is a reason you have that desire. Maybe you read a hot bondage scene in a novel once. Maybe you’ve seen photos online of impressive suspensions and you want to create something like that. Or maybe you’d like a nice rope hug at the end of a long day.
Rope bondage is not at all “once size fits all”, there are many different types, styles, and methods of rope. You can absolutely be interested only in a subset of those, and don’t have to tie with people whose intents don’t align with yours - just like without the top, without the rope bottom, there is no rope scene!
The challenge can be to establish a framework of communication, a language if you will, that allows you and your top to understand if you have the same intentions with regards to the scene you are planning on enjoying together. In this article, we are going to suggest two possible ways of achieving this common understanding, but you can also come up with your own approach if it fits you better.
Keep in mind those tools are intended for discussing one particular scene, on one particular day, with one particular partner (or set of partners for group scenes). Our desires and our bodies are not constant over time. You might want something soft and cuddly on Tuesday, and something rough and exciting on Friday - and there is nothing wrong with that.
You can also have overarching limits that apply to all your scenes and with all partners - often derived from the risk profile that you have established for yourself. We will explore those in a future article.
Tool #1: the 12 intents model
We created this model to try to capture the different core motivations for doing rope. With the particular rope scene you plan to bottom for, ask yourself if each of the following categories are an important desire for you, a secondary desire, or not a priority at all. Some people also like to score them with numbers to express in more detail.
Sensual
The sensual intent is all about your receiving and giving pleasurable sensations and stimuli. It can be the softness and warmth of touch, the satisfying sounds you make and hear while rope is happening, enjoying the fragrance of that brand new set of hemp ropes you’ve just taken out of the package.
Erotic
The erotic intent aims to create sexual tension and excitement - but not resolve it. There is attraction between the partners, but no sexual activity will be done as part of this scene. That erotic tension might be released later, with the same partner, someone else, or on your own - or left hanging in a delicious game of tease and denial.
Sexual
The sexual intent focuses on giving and receiving sexual pleasure as part of the rope scene. Various sexual activities will be pre-agreed as being desired and consented to by both partners. From there you’ll have a much more detailed and hot discussion on what that exactly entails!
Playful
The playful intent doesn’t take itself seriously. It’s about finding rope games, laughing together, and doing silly and relaxed things. Set rules together - or don’t, and improvise in the moment. Funny costumes and props can be a welcome addition when this intent is present.
Sadomasochistic
The sadomasochistic intent is all about enjoying pain as a source of pleasure. Most often, it will be the bottom receiving pain, either from the rope itself or with additional activities such as wax, impact play, etc. But there’s no rope police to tell you that the bottom can’t be the sadist and the rope top the masochist, if that’s what you and your partner want and you can make it work from a practical standpoint.
Power exchange
The power exchange intent thrives on creating a consensual inequality between one partner and the other. Typically, the bottom is seen by the default as the submissive partner and the top as the dominant one, but once again that is not a hard-and-fast rule, and you could give orders and detailed instructions on how you want to be tied for your pleasure!
Artistic
The artistic intent wants to create something beautiful. It’s the core motivator of gorgeous rope photoshoots, aesthetic performances (whether their audience is a full theater or just you and your top) and pensive contemplation. If there is a mirror around, you could even ask your top to orient it so that you can see yourself in the rope.
Creative
The creative intent is attracted to novelty. It wants you to innovate, and approach rope in ways you haven’t ever experienced before. Maybe it’s trying a new idea for a chest harness that just popped into your top’s head (or yours) last week. Maybe it’s combining rope bondage with something unrelated and unexpected. Remember to approach this intent slowly and cautiously, as new elements can sometimes bring challenges you didn’t expect.
Physical challenge
The physical challenge intent is about feats of athleticism, strength, endurance and/or flexibility. It’s the one you call upon when you want to be pushed, to see how far you can take your body, or to make full use of your amazing rope bottoming special skills. Remember it’s about yourself - not comparing yourself to others. Every body is different and comes with its own strengths and challenges.
Therapeutic
The therapeutic intent wants to help you and your partner feel better. It looks like rope that soothes pain, calms the nervous system, guides in processing emotions, or stretches that part of your body that has been feeling tight for days. Rope is not therapy, but rope can certainly be therapeutic.
Exploration
The exploration intent wants to discover the unknown. You might want to find things out about yourself: how do you feel when you’re upside down? Do you like rope better on your chest or on your legs? It can also be about getting to know your partner and their rope style better - that can be surprisingly intimate.
Mastery
The mastery intent wants to get better at things. This is the intent that makes you want to level up, to sharpen skills, to accumulate knowledge and experience. We all start rope with so much to learn. And 10 years into it, we still have plenty of opportunities to keep growing!
Sometimes you may want a scene completely focused on a single intent from the list above. Sometimes, you might want a mix, or to ask your top to surprise you from a subset of options you are open to.
Remember your top will probably have intents for the scene as well - it’s very important to check that your intents and theirs are compatible! If one partner is coming to a scene expecting Sensual and Sadomasochistic and the other intends something Therapeutic and Artistic, and you don’t talk to each other beforehand, chances are it’s not going to go great. If you already have a lot of overlap in your intents, then this is easy. If you intents are different, you might need to both compromise on a third intent altogether, that is agreeable to all parties.
If you choose to use this tool, send a link to this article to your partner to make sure you are speaking the same language.
Tool #2: the Card Game
If the 12 intents model is a bit full-on for you, you might enjoy this lighter and gamified tool instead. This is a negotiation aide aimed at facilitating a discussion through the use of a deck of custom cards rather than words - ideal for shy people or those who find it challenging to speak their desires aloud!
To use this tool you start with a deck of custom cards - this can be as simple as index cards you write on with a sharpie, or as fancy as customs prints with illustrations that you drew yourself. If you are discussing your scene through messaging apps, as is more and more common these days, you can also use a “Kanban board” type website such as Trello. On each card you write one concrete action that could occur in the scene, such as “You tie rope around my neck”, “You suspend me in a single futo” or “You use the rope ends to whip my ass” - let your creativity run wild! Both partners contribute cards to the initial deck.
Once the deck has been assembled, one of the partners goes through and removes all the cards they don’t want to include for this scene. Then the other partner does the same. At the end, you get a subset of the possible activities that both partners agree on and build your scene from there.
Well understood and well communicated intents make great scenes
Regardless of what method you chose, you will hopefully have a better understanding of what you expect from that rope scene, and be able to communicate that clearly to your partner. Sometimes, the end result might be finding out that this person is not the right top for you today - and that’s completely fine. It’s much better to pass up on a rope opportunity today than to force yourself into a scene you don’t really want to be in and cause yourself harm.
This content is copyrighted - please do not copy the content somewhere else. On the other hand, you can absolutely send a link to this page to a friend or play partner!
